i've been everything in between.

Honestly, last night was the hardest night I've had in a really long time. The last time I remember crying that hard and that much was when John and Johnny died. I think I've officially had my heart broken, because nothing has ever felt like the impact of the apologies. 

At times, I wish that I could be everything anyone ever wants me to be. I wish that I had the money to move wherever I want when I feel it'll make or break something in my life. Everything dealing with Tim is like that. He deserves to be the happiest man alive, yet something won't give him a break. I used to think that I was his break, but it's become clear that I'm not.

On the other hand, I'm going home tomorrow for the first time in a few months. I don't want to go because I'm not sure I'll have the strength to come back to Charlotte. I've needed a change of scenery for so long, but now that I'm about to get it, I'm not sure it's what I need. I think I need a permanent change of scenery, not one that will last less than a week.

Brooke got a puppy just like mine and is hopefully naming it Mozart. Picasso will love him. 

Sequoyah Prep School has always found a way to define my life. Here's the song I'm stuck on right now:

Nobody knows all the trouble that I've seen, nobody knows but me.

I've been in, I've been out, someone's hope, someone's doubt.

I've been everything in between.

I know now that you think we've got nothing left for you,

but who am I to say that you're wrong?

I could work, I could try, but I'll never change your mind.

You're leaving and we're moving on.

Well life gets hard and life gets tough, but sometimes you've gotta find a little bit of truth amongst all the lies and know that everything will be alright.

I know that everything will be alright.